I have swine flu.

Yes, I have swine flu.

I went to bed at Sunday night with a temperature of 99.6 and woke up with a temperature of 101.1, six hours later it was 102.3. I hurried to the grocery store to get Tylenol to control my fever. My anxiety was recalling thoughts of listening to NPR last spring. Phrases like, global pandemic, 1918 Spanish Influenza, and world wide panic crossed my mind. I found a doctor’s office across the street from (thankfully I have health insurance). After telling the woman at the counter why I was there she instructed me to put on a mask. That was kind of humbling. My fever was starting to become less miserable due to the Tylenol.

Next, they stuck a q-tip up my nose, way farther than a q-tip should ever be placed. Then held it there for 10 seconds. That hurt. After sitting in the doc’s office for 10 minutes the results came back A+. That’s the worst A+ I’ve ever received.

I’ve taken to a diet of soup, lots of water, netflix on demand, hulu, sleeping, daytime television and sleeping on the couch (so the wife doesn’t get sick too). The cough sucks, I’m always tired and I’d love to go outside. Fortunately it isn’t what I thought it might be.

It sucks, but it’s not the end of the world.

If you get it, do the following:

• cancel any plans you might have for the next 5-7 days
• buy a video game
• Rent a movie, watch something online through Hulu or Netflix on demand
• Drink lots of water
• Take Tylenol
• Stay away from loved ones